Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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