I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
