Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
