well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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