Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
