I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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