I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
