Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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