What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
