You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
