tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
