But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
