Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
