I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
