i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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