thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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