ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
