we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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