I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
