I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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