You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
