Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
