i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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