Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
