Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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