he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
