guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
