Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
