I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
