I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
