perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
