Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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