He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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