This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
