Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
