i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My vagina is officially offended.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
