i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
