Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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