you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
