like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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