i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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