I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
