peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
