Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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