Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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