We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
organizing the empties. That sober.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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