all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
