At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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