If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
