She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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